第二十二记 倾诉不出的苦…
一秒记住【爱阅】
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哎，现在心情挺郁闷的，打开了qq，放眼望去，竟没有一个可以谈心的，在那兜兜转转，最终还是来到这里倾诉一下了……
其实找到一个想谈心的…胤，但奈何她不在线，她家里条件不怎么好，可能等她看见我给她发的信息都不知道到猴年马月了……
闺蜜么……呵呵，曾经确实适合谈心，到现在…未必了，感觉越长大，这友谊越不是那么纯粹了，现在的我们…感觉友谊已经有点变质了…昨天和她去玩了，但感觉不怎么好，远远没有和胤她们一起炸厨房来的轻松（前几天我们去胤家一起买菜做饭）
其实我很羡慕胤她们那种友谊的，看得出她们是真心相待的，没有任何的……杂念，和她们在一起玩感觉整个人都很放松，但和闺蜜在一起……很累很累，偏偏还要强颜欢笑
所以刚才想找人谈心时一下就否决了她…算了我还是先说下我的烦心事吧，说了上面那件事我现在心更堵了t^t
我妈总是说我都这么大了该不会买菜做饭，天天说…谁谁家的孩子，和我同龄，人家都能怎样怎样了，总之把我贬的一文不值…
我就很纳闷了我，你让我试过么？？你让我做过么？？对！你不让我也可以主动啊，嗯嗯，对
可你为什么让我炒个菜都要在那叫唤半天呢？？我好像会把整个厨房炸了一样！
我也会买菜做饭的，但是你从来没给过我表现的机会啊！今天你带哥哥去看病不在家，昨天明明说好的让我来解决做饭问题的，可是为什么最终还是交给了奶奶？？
对！在别人眼里，你妈妈是爱你呀！她都不舍的让你累着，呵呵，那还真是谢谢了，可我不需要啊，我不需要这种什么所谓的爱
别人和我妈也常对我说，你妈给你做了这么多，付出了这么多你为什么就是不领情，不感激呢
我想起了曾经网络上的一句话“我喜欢苹果你却给了我一箱香蕉”我觉得这句话很能说明我的想法，你给的都不是我想要的，你让我感激你什么？？
我觉得我是一个十分自强，想独立的人，不想什么都靠别人，可我妈总想别人依靠她，是，我能理解一个从小就依赖自己的孩子一下不需要她的那种心情，但他不能让我一直养成依赖她的习惯啊！
她就把我哥养成了那种习惯，整天饭要我妈乘，衣服要我妈洗，就连水果都要我妈一个个切好了放到他面前他才吃，这个场景说不好听就是主人与仆人的场景
我现在好烦好烦……心里的滋味倾诉不出，也不知道怎样组织语言来倾诉了……
总之，就在她这讨厌的保护伞下…我的结果……
在家有帮父母炒菜做饭的举下手我看下……
十几双手齐刷刷的举起来，就我头低着，我也想举，但我没底气…
“诶，你在家都是怎么做饭的啊？”
“………………呵呵”
所以，才会有了我和胤组织的一次炸厨房，那天玩的很开心，我们五六个人一起去买菜，一起做饭，就我们孩子，没有大人的参与…真的很开心，而且我的厨艺也得到了她们的赞赏…真的很开心……
其实心烦也并不在她不让我做饭，而是她的不信任…那天我把我炒菜的照片发给她了，她说以后要让我做饭了……可最终呢……还不是不信任……
对…我在她心里就是很没用的……毕竟有了哥哥成绩的衬托…呵呵…认了…
得了，就这样吧…心里的苦还是无法用语言表达出来，就像在做语文阅读题一样，知道是这么回事，可就是无法表达出来，那种感觉……真的好难受…一路写下来，感觉都变了味…偏离了心里所想的……得了！自己受着吧…………这倒让我想起来一件事…
“要把东西全部搬回来，下个学期要分班了”
“什么！那你岂不是要到普通班去了”
没错…这就是我妈的第一反应……然而成绩下来后，并没有……呵呵……信任？呵呵
那时我可是自个在浴室偷偷哭的可惨了，最终在和胤她们做完饭吃饭时却能风轻云淡的说出来…真是不简单啊…或许…每个风轻云淡的背后…都有
反正，应该一会就可以愈合了……也该习惯了……
……………………时间分割线………………
昨天，也就是写完上文的第三天……
哎……昨天晚上，也是我妈带我哥去广州的第四天，一直没有音讯的我妈，昨晚在qq上突然来了句“吃饭没”
“嗯”
“爸爸回来没？”
“没”当时就老老实实回答了，也没想太多
过了几个小时………
“爸爸还没回来吗？”
“快了吧，他刚刚还说会给我带好吃的回来”我又老实的回答了
“哦”
然后……就没有然后了→_→
这时我爸也回来了，他敲门我给他开了门，他看着手机说了句“妈妈刚才问你我回来了吗”
“嗯啊”我还是没想太多，还是老实的回答了，但心里又有点疑问了，他怎么知道的
“你说我没回来吗”
“我……”我还没说完我就听到妈妈的声音从爸爸的手机传出来……
“天天在外面鬼混，都几点了才回家…………”
我顿时恍然大悟，同时心也受到了很大的伤害……几天没联系了，一联系就带着目的来……
当时心很受伤，现在想想还是受伤…我不喜欢肉麻的话和事，所以我从来不会说和做那些肉麻的事
我喜欢损别人，当别人伤心时我也还是损，损你就是我能给的最大安慰，然后我这种性格也会有人不喜欢啊，所以我就说过“玻璃心！远离我！”
可没想到我自己也是个玻璃心……5555~
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